Team Hoyt

Sunday was the 14th annual Team Hoyt 5k www.teamhoyt.com, a race that I have been looking forward to since last year.

With the temperature climbing into the 80s for an 11:30am start time, it was nice to run into teammates Dawn & Krista (each with their spouses as well).

This race is so GREAT!!! Everyone goes home with a prize and Dick & Rick are gracious enough to stand for pictures with all the Age Group winners. I think the girls would agree with me, when Rick's relative won a trophy in his age group, his excited reaction was enough to cover your body with goose bumps! Of course his big smiles when a cute girl would go up was a special sight to see too :-)

My original goal for this race was for it to be my time to break that 21 min barrier. However, with the knee still keeping me from MANY workouts, I opted to just go out and do my best and try for a top AG finish. My first mile was 6:21, at which point I knew I was very likely going to crash and burn (I need to take my own advice about pacing), but I kept moving one foot in front of the other, the easiest way to get to any finish line!!

Holding strong 'til the last 1/2 mile, flash gordon teammate Krista pulls up beside me and checks on my knee and how i'm feeling... being her track coach I told her to get a move on and go for a top 3 female finish(NO PRESSURE). It is great to see teammates that have been working hard at track and hills excel and reach new limits!! The heat made my head feel like it was going to pop off, I sure do love racing in the winter months... someday I will figure out a good cooling system for my body.

I am very satisfied and happy with my finish, and have no complaints of a 22:43 finish (good for a 1st AG prize). It wasn't my dream goal of sub 21:00 but I am very excited b/c that means I have something to continue to strive for this year... although after Sunday, I'm thinking that I may have a sub 20 in me someday :-)

Krista had a fabulous 3rd Female Overall finish and 1st in AG. Dawn strided in for a 2nd place AG finish! WAY TO GO GIRLS (oh and did I mention Dawn got a case of beer and Krista a George Foreman Grille!! SWEET)

Snap Crackle Pop

I can't think of a better way to start a day than heading to Dr. Melman's (http://melmanchirogroup.com/)

My appointment was at 7:30am, his first patient of the day! We caught up on how things are going and he is excited to hear of my new adventures about to take place, and even better has a recommendation for someone I can go to out West!!

He could feel every ounce of tension in my neck and worked to release this nagging headache I have had for a few days. Always my first sign that it has been FAR too long since I have been in for an adjustment!! Dr. Melman is amazing, he is completely invested in each of his patients and I will plan to see him as many times as I can squeeze in before I head out.

My favorite part of leaving his office before Boylston Street is too full of rush hour traffic/crowds is the bare look at the Boston Marathon Finish Line. It brings me into a wonderful space and fills my head with my own memories of crossing as well as the memories of friends and those who I don't know, but understand have their own personal reasons for running 26.2 miles. It gives me a sense of peace and permits me to face the day with a better outlook and puts things into perspective.

I love Boston but today it was symbolic to think about Finish lines and what they mean to me. Once you cross a finish line, it does not mean that something is over, it means you are on your way to recovery and celebration and a new chapter. Seems fitting to me right now!!

This morning Beth and I met for Run Hills and our troops opted to stay out of the rain. I think the rain is really breaking some training spirits in Massachusetts... Despite Beth's sunburn, and my flu bug we headed out for a leisurely run around Watertown.

Mid-way thru the run, my stomach could not take it any longer so we had to make a quick stop and then continue one. Thankfully, Bethie is very patient with me these days, and stuck back with my sluggish pace as I pushed thru the stomach discomfort of my flu bug. Ok, so maybe I shouldn't have been running, but unlike some, I LOVE to run in the rain.

Today was no exception. I can't comprehend what my fellow Massachusetts folks are enduring with the flooding, it is sad and frustrating b/c I don't know how to help. A run like today clears my mind and reminds me of what I should be focusing on and to take today as an opportunity. I know that I have far too many possessions and I want to continue to lessen my "material" load and focus on giving to those who are far more in need.

I also took a moment to grab one branch of a lilac. My favorite flower by far and the rain is destroying them for a second season in a row... So I need to make sure that I grab as many as I can to enjoy the smell before they all fall to the ground! I keep driving by them thinking, "I should stop and grab some" No more!!! I will stop and I will enjoy as many lilacs as possible!!! No need to miss out on something that makes me so happy right :-)

Hurry to Hiatus to Hump to Huh??

After a long needed vacation, I am finally ready to settle back into things and get myself on a training schedule. (Thanks to Beth for reminding me it is only now 11 weeks 'til IMLP)

Hurry
I had been anticipating this vacation for months & months, kept wishing it would hurry up and get here, but now looking back the week flew by and the wedding and meeting Nico for the first time seems a lifetime ago... I tried to savor each moment, but alas the week went by too quickly

Hiatus
For nearly 8 weeks leading up to vacation, I had finally gained some ground on my bad eating habits, then vacation hit and I went on hiatus. I tried to make the best choices I could with my schedule being so crazy, but the "bad eater" Joni inside of me kept saying "you're on vacation!" so needless to say my hiatus has turned into a bit of an upward battle and I will need to really reach inside to my will-power to win over old Joni to get back on track

Hump
With the Boston Marathon behind me, I thought my focus would be a smooth transition to IMLP, but I have found myself at a hump. I mean I should be on top of my game, I just ran a qualifying time on the home court what more could a girl ask for? This certainly is a goal I never set for myself b/c it was something that seemed so off the map (especially with my knee acting the way it does now) but vacation came and I ran a couple of times, but the knee was sore again. I then got back from vaca and have been fighting a cold/allergies since. Which made for a shortened training weekend. I am happy to say I climed the Kanc with Beth & Tania, but rather than a 75mi ride, I cut it short to 60mi.

Huh?
This is where I am at today!

Huh? Where did all that time go for training? How is it that I only have x amount of long rides left to do. How will I gain the cycling fitness in time to shave 47 minutes off my bike time from Canada (aggressive goal but that is part of what keeps us coming back for more)

Huh? Janus has called to tell me I have won a slot for any Continental North America IM this year.... can I do 2 IM's in one year?

Huh? why is my knee still aching? It has been 5 MONTHS already! I try really hard to focus back on the positive, but some days it does bug me, I have to be honest here!

Huh?

The GREAT news is that today I did a mid-week ride with Bethie. We had no expectations of our ride and set out to do Mill Rd/Trapelo. After we did some good climbs, we opted for a different route back and just enjoyed the morning. I feel so refreshed now. I feel like this was a big step towards tasting the IM again!! Now I just need to be responsible for myself and keep up the momentum!!

I have a lot of decisions to make over the next couple of weeks, so I am just hoping I can find the drive to continue with my fitness and remember how good I feel today for getting out on the bike and just enjoying a morning ride!!

GO TOE TOE

This was my mantra yesterday!!

After spending the second half of Saturday and early yesterday morning with my nephew Kaelan, I am seeing things in such a new light!!

Kaelan has become very affectionate again, and he certainly worked his magic on his Aunie Toe Toe (yes there is no "T") this weekend. I got smothered in hugs and kisses, even had a slumber party with him Saturday night. Being with Kaelan and seeing life thru his eyes was the exact medicine this Toe Toe needed. I have been really stressed out at work the past few weeks and it is consuming me, but it all disappeared for a few hours this weekend and I enjoyed every moment with Kaelan.

He was holding on to me yesterday morning as I was packing to go, saying that he didn't want me to go, or that he was going to go with me. I could have held on to him forever, it made my heart feel so full, a feeling that I just can't really put into words!!! As I was getting ready to leave he said "WAIT" and went and got a piece of paper and pencil and wrote me a sign "GO TOE TOE" since he knew I was going to be attempting a 10mile run for the first time in months that morning. He blew me kisses and told me he loved me (oh and requested that I win the race and mail the trophy to him... ah children and their dreams...)

I then drove to Lisa's house in North Hampton, NH and met up with her and Robin. Lisa's son Keith drove us to the starting line of the Run to the Border 10 Miler... we had many game plans that day, at about mile 3 I could turn off to Lisa's house if my knee kicked in, or from there on I could catch a ride from any one of the several fans following their fellow runners...

Mile 5 went by and I checked in, so far so good, so I allowed myself to continue. It was so much fun to feel different muscles talking to me again, my running muscles were happy to have a conversation with me yesterday.

This run is so gorgeous, it follows along the North Coast, so with the sun shining and the waves crashing to shore, I watched the multiple surfers on their surfboards try and catch the Spring waves, I would briefly close my eyes and take a deep breath of sea air, and many times I reminded myself of the time spent with Kaelan and my specialized sign in my pocket, and my heart would fill up with joy again!!

As I neared the finish line, I took the sign out of my pocket and held it in my hand as I finished. I am thinking that this sign is going to see many races this season, just the reminder I need to be happy to be back out there and also remind myself to not always take life too seriously. Kids have a way of teaching adults things that they know deep down but simply choose to ignore.

To the "Young Master" Kaelan, thank you for being a cheerleader for Aunie Toe Toe, I love you with all my heart!!!!

Lucky 13

Who says the number 13 is unlucky?

In high school I wore the #13 in softball. Well, only until my Sophomore year when the center-fielder and I ran into one another and I ended up lying on the ground and picked up by a nice ambulance crew who gently cut my shirt off, since they could not move me, afraid I had a severe neck injury.... Ok, so back then it may not have seemed so lucky

But today, today it is a very lucky number for me! Why? Because, today I ran for exactly 13 minutes!! The alarm went off at 5:45am and as I came out of my cold medicine induced fog, I heard the rain falling outside and asked myself if I should just stay in bed, but I knew that no rest could make me feel better than a run. On top of that, I LOVE to run in the rain!! With the mild temperature of 47 today, I dressed accordingly and headed out the door.

I feel like I'm doing a bike safety check, each step posing a question about my body alignment, my foot strike, my arm position, my head position, my breathing pattern. Then it occurred to me, this is my chance to mold my running form again. I can justify the slow come back, because now I can correct some of my bad running form habits, and strengthen my good habits.

As each minute ticked by, I found that peace inside me that I have missed so dearly the past 3.5 months. I ended knowing that my heart could run forever and as soon as my knee and lungs are 100% I know that they will also be ready to run forever.

All this in a mere lucky 13 minutes!!!

One Mile Down, Many More to Go

One week after the cortisone shot and I am happy to report I ran a mile today! I laced up my new sneaks in hopes that I would have the courage to warm up with my fellow TE gals this morning at run hills. With Beth out of town I asked that we meet at the track rather than at the pool so that I could ensure the safety of the runners, just in case I couldn't run more than a few feet :-)

So at 6am we hit the track for a one mile warmup and I found myself afraid, I am so nervous about running again and taking a step backwards that I feel this will be a new area to build my confidence. Who wants to be afraid of running? I certainly don't!

I was anxious, nervous, excited, timid, many things that I don't usually think of when I think of running. But the warmup felt ok and so I ran one hill with the gals before I decided it was time to walk the rest and run down with them. I kept waiting for a tweak or a twinge, but I made it thru and didn't get in my car with any aches and now it is nearly the end of the work day and still no pain.

I will say, BOY do I have a LONG way to go aerobically though. I charged up the hill and certainly felt the 3 months of sedativeness reaching for air from my lungs. Luckily, my recovery is still quick, but it simply amazes me what it feels like to start from scratch yet again. I am into my 3rd round of PT and hopefully my last.

Despite the fear I now have in the back of my mind, I am also ready to take it slowly and build up so that I have another great year and if all goes well stay away from PT for a long time!!!

Ash Wednesday

What does wearing my ashes mean to me?

Today is the second time I have received ashes as a new Catholic and as I still learn why things are what they are, I have allowed for some self reflection on what the Lent season means to me.

Today I put aside the stress and worries that I would be late to work. I drove over to my parish in Brookline, St. Mary's of the Assumption http://www.stmarybrookline.com/bulletin.htm for the 7:30am Mass. As always Fr. Jack was wonderful and the Gospel really hit home. It provided time to reflect on acts of kindness that each of us try to do and that we should be careful about "tooting" our own horns when doing so.

I know that I am a true and kind person at heart, but I also know that I am guilty from time to time for doing something for some form of recognition, even if for a simple thank you. We are brought up to say the please and thank you's, but not so much to provide a caring silent action that is something only for your inner self to enjoy.

This Lenten season I am chosing to add something and to subtract something. As I did last year, I am adding a daily reading to my day, preferably in the morning, but this year I am also adding a goal that as I do the little things, I want to check in with myself and ask why I am doing it and to make sure that I am not selfishly expecting anything in return for it.

As for subtracting, well it is time to take away the excessive treats again this year. Now that Ironman training is fast upon me, I want to get re-focused and zone in on the task at hand for July 23rd!!

Eventhough Lent is perceived, at times, to be a dark time at church, it is a time that reminds me of how lucky I am to be on this journey and to be grateful for all that I have in my life.

Knee(d) for More

Today is Tuesday and as with every other Tuesday it was a day Beth & I lead the run hills workout. Funny thing about this workout though... I haven't participated since November. Granted I have tried a couple of times to muscle thru it, and at other times I have succumbed to my left knee and simply followed behind them in my CRV as their protector from early morning drivers.

I have not attempted to run for over a month, as my waist line continues to change and my body composition is close to that of a sedative person at this point, today I found it a struggle to keep the tears back. I was able to, mainly b/c I was with teammates, and seeing how hard they are pushing themselves at 6am in the morning is a great reward as a coach.

I would walk up the hill and meet them on their recovery coming down. These women are all amazing, even new comer Krista asked how I was doing, apparently just b/c I was holding back the tears didn't mask that I was frustrated. My reply continued to be "just need to push the bad energy out of my mind and let the good energy in"

The question is, how much longer will I have to keep this front? How much longer am I suppose to be ok with the fact that I miss my long runs, track workouts, time spent in the open air with my thoughts! I miss that rush of finishing a run.

I had my MRI on Sunday so on the 28th we will get the results. I think my biggest fear at this point is getting the response "we still don't know what is wrong" It is hard to focus your energy on the unknown, but I will dig deep and muster thru. #1 B/c I want to and #2 B/c I need to

I am calling on my faith right now and each day I try to read this line:
"Do not be afraid, Stand firm, and see the deliverance that the Lord will accomplish for you today" (Exodus 14:13)

So now that I am being honest, I am frustrated, angry and sad that it has been nearly 3.5 months since I could just run when I want to. But I was reminded today that it is ok that I feel those things, just as long as my determination, strength, committment and my ability to feel very proud of my teammates outweigh the icky stuff!!

Week of Goals

I attended a seminar Monday evening, Januray 23rd that focused on Goal Setting. The seminar was brought to Boston by a company Lululemon http://www.lululemon.com. I first found this company when I was out visiting Lisah a couple of months ago.

Lululemon is coming to Boston soon, and with it they are bringing their philosophy of living life to the fullest and encouraging others to make positive changes to their lifestyles.

Little did I know that this 2 hour seminar was going to result in a week of self reflection and taking action to move certain areas of my life forward.

I am excited to take some time this weekend and collect my thoughts, consider my options and with the help of my faith and friends, put gears in motion that I have been sitting on for quite some time.

The seminar talked a lot about how our lives often fall into the following three areas: 1. addiction to distraction 2. dwelling on the past 3. Auto pilot mode.
I think the biggest factor for me is the addiction to distraction. Each morning a piercing alarm wakes me up, then I put the news on to check the weather, off to the bus/train I go which is anything but quiet, then I get to work and outside my window is the beeping of Boston angry horns, and the fire station is a block away, back to the train/bus to go home, then my evenings are filled with phone calls, classes, watching Ellen, listening to the radio, then at night I put the tv on snooze so the noise puts me to sleep. When in the day do I take some quiet time for reflection? When do I check in with myself to see how I am doing and if I am working towards the things in life that make me happy?

It was explained to me in terms that I know are common sense but hearing them from someone who was so passionate really lit a fire under my butt "You choose who you are being in the face of a situation (of what happens)."

Put me in my running shoes, or on my bike or in the water and I know who I choose to be, it is the times I am at work and faced with a situation with my boss, or when I have a conflict with a peer that I often times jump to a "defensive mode" rather than choosing to be generous in the situation or happy in the situation. My friend Kaili often times looks at her situations and allows herself to step back and look at them with reason and justification, before jumping to a conclusion.

So after rambling on for quite some time, I am not sure where this post is taking me, except to a place that will lead me to a better place. This weekend I am committing to finding my way and making a plan!!!

Thank you Fr. Jack for setting some time aside for me Sunday after Mass. I am looking forward to the guidance.

Time to Reflect

After doing the Boston Prep 16 Miler yesterday and finishing the last 2 miles in more pain than necessary, I am finally ready to give in to my injury. After weeks of PT and building up my running slowly again, I had hoped that my knee was ready for the bigger mileage.

After Jim Memory (my massage therapist a.k.a "The Healer") sent me an email on Friday with his reflections on the recent discovery of the mass of scar tissue, I probably should have bowed out and either gone to cheer on my rockstar friend Beth (as she is continuing her major running breakthrough), and my other friends Tania & Pete who were experiencing this infamous hilly course for the first time... or even participated in the swim meet with my other TE ladies down in Weymouth. However, against better judgement I toed the line with the other runners on a sunny cold morning.

Beth & I were hoping for 9 minute miles, the first mile was a 9:30, which is of no surprise with the hill start and then of course just getting into the groove around the many bodies at the starting line. The next 3 miles we clocked under 8:30's and kept saying we had time in the bank. The rollers in this course in the beginning give you the opportunity to warm up for what lies ahead. And there is one mile that you feel as though you are being shot straight downhill, and all the while you must keep in the back of your mind that since we finish were we start, at some point we have to come back up that same distance :-)

My knee held strong until mile 7, so as Beth points out, this is GREAT news I am up to 7 miles of pain free running and had it been a 7 mile race, I would probably have walked away as I had arrived. We continued to push forward and picked up the pace again (as the faster I go the less the knee hurt and the sooner we would be done)

The hills started coming and this was bad news for the knee, but I put on my Iron cap and pushed up those hills, it was fun to pass so many runners as they walked up, Beth and I even heard one girl proclaim "I can't do it anymore, I need a break" This was said on the 1 mile climbe to the 11 mile marker!! At mile 11 I knew my time was running out, so I handed Beth the car keys and told her to go kick some butt, this girl was in her stride and just getting stronger!!

We managed to stay together for a couple more miles, at mile 14 we checked in with one another and she gave me the words of encouragement I needed to hear to put in my mind that I could finish if I just focused. I wished her well and told her she had over 30 minutes to finish the 2 miles and beat her time from last year (Beth's goal this year) and then settled into a pace I thought my knee could handle for the remaining 2 miles.

I have to tell you, that knowing how hard my friend Beth has worked and then to watch her run so fast and smooth, quick cadence, head steady, arms relaxed my throat welled up and I could have cried from happiness. I knew right then that my dear friend was closer to her Boston Qualifier than she knows!!

Finishing that race yesterday was painful, and yes I will most likely not be running for another month or so now, I take full responsibility for the pain that woke me up at 3:30am this morning, but I have the words to support why I made the decision to run this race. The fall last year changed things for me, and I'm still not sure what limitations will be set on me once all is said and done, but I know one thing for sure... I wanted that Boston Prep, I wanted to take back what was yanked from me last season and I wanted to run with my heart.

I make a pledge now to my knee, to my friends, to Jim and to my PT Lisa Griggs that I will follow their every word and be on the cautious side from now on. It won't be easy and I may need help along the way, but at least I know I did the Boston Prep in 2006.