This was my mantra yesterday!!
After spending the second half of Saturday and early yesterday morning with my nephew Kaelan, I am seeing things in such a new light!!
Kaelan has become very affectionate again, and he certainly worked his magic on his Aunie Toe Toe (yes there is no "T") this weekend. I got smothered in hugs and kisses, even had a slumber party with him Saturday night. Being with Kaelan and seeing life thru his eyes was the exact medicine this Toe Toe needed. I have been really stressed out at work the past few weeks and it is consuming me, but it all disappeared for a few hours this weekend and I enjoyed every moment with Kaelan.
He was holding on to me yesterday morning as I was packing to go, saying that he didn't want me to go, or that he was going to go with me. I could have held on to him forever, it made my heart feel so full, a feeling that I just can't really put into words!!! As I was getting ready to leave he said "WAIT" and went and got a piece of paper and pencil and wrote me a sign "GO TOE TOE" since he knew I was going to be attempting a 10mile run for the first time in months that morning. He blew me kisses and told me he loved me (oh and requested that I win the race and mail the trophy to him... ah children and their dreams...)
I then drove to Lisa's house in North Hampton, NH and met up with her and Robin. Lisa's son Keith drove us to the starting line of the Run to the Border 10 Miler... we had many game plans that day, at about mile 3 I could turn off to Lisa's house if my knee kicked in, or from there on I could catch a ride from any one of the several fans following their fellow runners...
Mile 5 went by and I checked in, so far so good, so I allowed myself to continue. It was so much fun to feel different muscles talking to me again, my running muscles were happy to have a conversation with me yesterday.
This run is so gorgeous, it follows along the North Coast, so with the sun shining and the waves crashing to shore, I watched the multiple surfers on their surfboards try and catch the Spring waves, I would briefly close my eyes and take a deep breath of sea air, and many times I reminded myself of the time spent with Kaelan and my specialized sign in my pocket, and my heart would fill up with joy again!!
As I neared the finish line, I took the sign out of my pocket and held it in my hand as I finished. I am thinking that this sign is going to see many races this season, just the reminder I need to be happy to be back out there and also remind myself to not always take life too seriously. Kids have a way of teaching adults things that they know deep down but simply choose to ignore.
To the "Young Master" Kaelan, thank you for being a cheerleader for Aunie Toe Toe, I love you with all my heart!!!!
Monday, March 27, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Lucky 13
Who says the number 13 is unlucky?
In high school I wore the #13 in softball. Well, only until my Sophomore year when the center-fielder and I ran into one another and I ended up lying on the ground and picked up by a nice ambulance crew who gently cut my shirt off, since they could not move me, afraid I had a severe neck injury.... Ok, so back then it may not have seemed so lucky
But today, today it is a very lucky number for me! Why? Because, today I ran for exactly 13 minutes!! The alarm went off at 5:45am and as I came out of my cold medicine induced fog, I heard the rain falling outside and asked myself if I should just stay in bed, but I knew that no rest could make me feel better than a run. On top of that, I LOVE to run in the rain!! With the mild temperature of 47 today, I dressed accordingly and headed out the door.
I feel like I'm doing a bike safety check, each step posing a question about my body alignment, my foot strike, my arm position, my head position, my breathing pattern. Then it occurred to me, this is my chance to mold my running form again. I can justify the slow come back, because now I can correct some of my bad running form habits, and strengthen my good habits.
As each minute ticked by, I found that peace inside me that I have missed so dearly the past 3.5 months. I ended knowing that my heart could run forever and as soon as my knee and lungs are 100% I know that they will also be ready to run forever.
All this in a mere lucky 13 minutes!!!
In high school I wore the #13 in softball. Well, only until my Sophomore year when the center-fielder and I ran into one another and I ended up lying on the ground and picked up by a nice ambulance crew who gently cut my shirt off, since they could not move me, afraid I had a severe neck injury.... Ok, so back then it may not have seemed so lucky
But today, today it is a very lucky number for me! Why? Because, today I ran for exactly 13 minutes!! The alarm went off at 5:45am and as I came out of my cold medicine induced fog, I heard the rain falling outside and asked myself if I should just stay in bed, but I knew that no rest could make me feel better than a run. On top of that, I LOVE to run in the rain!! With the mild temperature of 47 today, I dressed accordingly and headed out the door.
I feel like I'm doing a bike safety check, each step posing a question about my body alignment, my foot strike, my arm position, my head position, my breathing pattern. Then it occurred to me, this is my chance to mold my running form again. I can justify the slow come back, because now I can correct some of my bad running form habits, and strengthen my good habits.
As each minute ticked by, I found that peace inside me that I have missed so dearly the past 3.5 months. I ended knowing that my heart could run forever and as soon as my knee and lungs are 100% I know that they will also be ready to run forever.
All this in a mere lucky 13 minutes!!!
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
One Mile Down, Many More to Go
One week after the cortisone shot and I am happy to report I ran a mile today! I laced up my new sneaks in hopes that I would have the courage to warm up with my fellow TE gals this morning at run hills. With Beth out of town I asked that we meet at the track rather than at the pool so that I could ensure the safety of the runners, just in case I couldn't run more than a few feet :-)
So at 6am we hit the track for a one mile warmup and I found myself afraid, I am so nervous about running again and taking a step backwards that I feel this will be a new area to build my confidence. Who wants to be afraid of running? I certainly don't!
I was anxious, nervous, excited, timid, many things that I don't usually think of when I think of running. But the warmup felt ok and so I ran one hill with the gals before I decided it was time to walk the rest and run down with them. I kept waiting for a tweak or a twinge, but I made it thru and didn't get in my car with any aches and now it is nearly the end of the work day and still no pain.
I will say, BOY do I have a LONG way to go aerobically though. I charged up the hill and certainly felt the 3 months of sedativeness reaching for air from my lungs. Luckily, my recovery is still quick, but it simply amazes me what it feels like to start from scratch yet again. I am into my 3rd round of PT and hopefully my last.
Despite the fear I now have in the back of my mind, I am also ready to take it slowly and build up so that I have another great year and if all goes well stay away from PT for a long time!!!
So at 6am we hit the track for a one mile warmup and I found myself afraid, I am so nervous about running again and taking a step backwards that I feel this will be a new area to build my confidence. Who wants to be afraid of running? I certainly don't!
I was anxious, nervous, excited, timid, many things that I don't usually think of when I think of running. But the warmup felt ok and so I ran one hill with the gals before I decided it was time to walk the rest and run down with them. I kept waiting for a tweak or a twinge, but I made it thru and didn't get in my car with any aches and now it is nearly the end of the work day and still no pain.
I will say, BOY do I have a LONG way to go aerobically though. I charged up the hill and certainly felt the 3 months of sedativeness reaching for air from my lungs. Luckily, my recovery is still quick, but it simply amazes me what it feels like to start from scratch yet again. I am into my 3rd round of PT and hopefully my last.
Despite the fear I now have in the back of my mind, I am also ready to take it slowly and build up so that I have another great year and if all goes well stay away from PT for a long time!!!
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Ash Wednesday
What does wearing my ashes mean to me?
Today is the second time I have received ashes as a new Catholic and as I still learn why things are what they are, I have allowed for some self reflection on what the Lent season means to me.
Today I put aside the stress and worries that I would be late to work. I drove over to my parish in Brookline, St. Mary's of the Assumption http://www.stmarybrookline.com/bulletin.htm for the 7:30am Mass. As always Fr. Jack was wonderful and the Gospel really hit home. It provided time to reflect on acts of kindness that each of us try to do and that we should be careful about "tooting" our own horns when doing so.
I know that I am a true and kind person at heart, but I also know that I am guilty from time to time for doing something for some form of recognition, even if for a simple thank you. We are brought up to say the please and thank you's, but not so much to provide a caring silent action that is something only for your inner self to enjoy.
This Lenten season I am chosing to add something and to subtract something. As I did last year, I am adding a daily reading to my day, preferably in the morning, but this year I am also adding a goal that as I do the little things, I want to check in with myself and ask why I am doing it and to make sure that I am not selfishly expecting anything in return for it.
As for subtracting, well it is time to take away the excessive treats again this year. Now that Ironman training is fast upon me, I want to get re-focused and zone in on the task at hand for July 23rd!!
Eventhough Lent is perceived, at times, to be a dark time at church, it is a time that reminds me of how lucky I am to be on this journey and to be grateful for all that I have in my life.
Today is the second time I have received ashes as a new Catholic and as I still learn why things are what they are, I have allowed for some self reflection on what the Lent season means to me.
Today I put aside the stress and worries that I would be late to work. I drove over to my parish in Brookline, St. Mary's of the Assumption http://www.stmarybrookline.com/bulletin.htm for the 7:30am Mass. As always Fr. Jack was wonderful and the Gospel really hit home. It provided time to reflect on acts of kindness that each of us try to do and that we should be careful about "tooting" our own horns when doing so.
I know that I am a true and kind person at heart, but I also know that I am guilty from time to time for doing something for some form of recognition, even if for a simple thank you. We are brought up to say the please and thank you's, but not so much to provide a caring silent action that is something only for your inner self to enjoy.
This Lenten season I am chosing to add something and to subtract something. As I did last year, I am adding a daily reading to my day, preferably in the morning, but this year I am also adding a goal that as I do the little things, I want to check in with myself and ask why I am doing it and to make sure that I am not selfishly expecting anything in return for it.
As for subtracting, well it is time to take away the excessive treats again this year. Now that Ironman training is fast upon me, I want to get re-focused and zone in on the task at hand for July 23rd!!
Eventhough Lent is perceived, at times, to be a dark time at church, it is a time that reminds me of how lucky I am to be on this journey and to be grateful for all that I have in my life.
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